Does the Gottman Method Work?
The Gottman Method, developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, is a widely recognized and extensively researched couples therapy approach. It is designed to help couples strengthen their relationships and overcome challenges through evidence-based strategies and techniques. Here are some highlights of this method:
The Gottman Method Principles:
The Sound Relationship House Theory: The Gottman Method is based on the Sound Relationship House Theory, which outlines the essential components of a healthy relationship. These components include building love maps, nurturing fondness and admiration, turning towards each other instead of away, managing conflict, making life dreams come true, creating shared meaning, and trust and commitment.
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: The Gottman Method identifies four negative communication patterns detrimental to relationships: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Addressing and reducing these patterns is a core aspect of the Gottman Method.
Emotional Intelligence and Communication Skills: The Gottman Method emphasizes the importance of emotional intelligence and effective communication in maintaining a healthy relationship. Couples are taught to understand and manage their emotions, as well as how to express their needs and desires in a constructive manner.
Research and Evidence:
The effectiveness of the Gottman Method is supported by a significant body of research. Studies have demonstrated its positive impact on relationship satisfaction, communication, conflict resolution, and overall relationship stability.
Research has shown that couples who undergo Gottman Method therapy have a higher likelihood of maintaining a successful long-term relationship compared to those who do not receive such intervention. The strategies taught in this approach are designed to fortify relationships against common stressors and conflicts.
Couples who engage in the Gottman Method report a reduction in the frequency and intensity of conflicts. The method provides couples with tools to navigate disagreements and misunderstandings more effectively, leading to improved harmony within the relationship. The Gottman Method significantly enhances communication skills within couples. Couples learn how to express themselves clearly, listen actively, and understand each other's perspectives, resulting in stronger bonds and a deeper connection.
This method is celebrated for its high success rates and positive outcomes. Many couples who have undergone this form of therapy report increased relationship satisfaction, improved intimacy, and a more profound understanding of their partner. Research has indicated that over 75% of couples who engage in the Gottman Method report a significant improvement in their relationship, including reduced relationship distress and enhanced satisfaction. Countless testimonials from individuals and couples who have undergone the Gottman Method highlight the effectiveness of the approach in transforming their relationships and providing them with the necessary tools to navigate challenges.
Is Gottman for you?
The Gottman Method has gained widespread recognition and respect within the field of couples therapy due to its evidence-based approach and successful outcomes. The emphasis on understanding, communication, and conflict resolution has proven to be effective in helping couples build and maintain healthy, fulfilling relationships. While no therapy is a panacea, the Gottman Method's strong research base and high success rates make it a valuable resource for couples seeking to enhance their relationship and cultivate a lasting connection.
Ultimately, I believe one of the most powerful things of couples counseling is showing up. Showing your partner you’re committed to working on your relationship and follow up on that with actions in your day-to-day live is one of the key predictors - on my perspective- of couples’ success in counseling. Becoming more aware of your patterns, regardless of the therapeutic method in use, is also a key aspect of understanding how things go well and how things go bad.
The Gottman Method certainly has research-backed wisdom on how to relationships succeed and how they fail. I dislike in their original works there is not much that addresses the sexual aspect of a relationship and the underlying idea that if the emotional aspect of the relationship is going well the rest will follow. I have certainly worked with many individuals and couples that are otherwise great but continue to have difficulties in their sexual relationship.
That said, I have found the Gottman Method personally helpful in my own relationship and apply elements of this approach in my practice. I also frequently suggest their free APP, find it here, to the couples I work with. It has many categories of interest from questions you can ask on a date, questions about sex, prompts to show appreciation, bringing baby home, and more.
If you’d like personalized support to build a stronger relationship, click here to request a session.
I am a PhD in Clinical Sexology candidate at Modern Sex Therapy Institutes and have a Master of Science in Educational Psychology. I work with individuals, couples, non-monogamous relationships, and groups in topics related to sexuality, emotional regulation, communication dynamics, and changing behaviors.
