It is Not About the Big Romantic Gestures…
“Successful long-term relationships are created through small words, small gestures, and small acts.”
It is not big, romantic gestures that make a relationship but the small, daily acts that let your partner know you’re thinking about them and appreciate them. Dr. John and Julie Gottman's research has focused on understanding the dynamics of successful and unsuccessful relationships. One of his key findings is the significance of small, positive actions and interactions in maintaining healthy and strong relationships. The idea behind "small things often" is that the regular, everyday interactions and gestures between partners have a significant impact on the overall health of the relationship.
Gottman's research highlights the importance of consistent expressions of affection, appreciation, and kindness. These small acts could include things like:
Expressing Gratitude: Regularly showing appreciation for your partner's contributions and efforts.
Affectionate Touch: Physical gestures like hugs, kisses, holding hands, and cuddling.
Active Listening: Paying attention to your partner's thoughts and feelings and responding empathetically.
Compliments: Giving genuine compliments and acknowledging your partner's positive qualities.
Quality Time: Spending meaningful time together, engaging in activities you both enjoy.
Random Acts of Kindness: Doing something thoughtful without any special occasion, such as making their favorite meal or leaving a sweet note.
Sexuality: Foreplay starts at the end of the last orgasm. Find times here and there to feed your sexual connection.
The "small things often" concept emphasizes that it's not grand gestures alone that sustain a relationship but the consistent effort to connect emotionally and maintain a positive atmosphere in day-to-day interactions. These small acts build a foundation of trust, intimacy, and emotional connection that can buffer against conflicts and challenges.
It's important to note that while the "small things often" approach is valuable, it's not a substitute for addressing larger issues that might arise in a relationship. Effective communication, problem-solving, and conflict resolution are also crucial components of a healthy partnership.
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I am a PhD in Clinical Sexology candidate at Modern Sex Therapy Institutes and have a Master of Science in Educational Psychology. I work with individuals, couples, non-monogamous relationships, and groups in topics related to sexuality, emotional regulation, communication dynamics, and changing behaviors.
