More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert
More Than Two, co-authored by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert, is a comprehensive guide on navigating the complexities of polyamory, offering practical advice for individuals exploring or practicing ethical nonmonogamy. Written in an accessible and relatable style, the book covers the emotional, ethical, and logistical challenges of polyamory, emphasizing respect, consent, honesty, and personal growth in relationships involving more than two people. As one of the most well-known books on polyamory, More Than Two has become a foundational resource for individuals interested in building healthy and ethical polyamorous relationships.
Summary: The book is structured as a series of chapters that explore different aspects of polyamory, from the basics of defining the concept to more complex topics like handling jealousy, communication, and managing multiple relationships. Veaux and Rickert begin by defining polyamory as consensual, ethical nonmonogamy, where individuals maintain multiple romantic or sexual relationships with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved. They stress that polyamory is not a “one-size-fits-all” model, but rather a diverse range of relationship styles that can be tailored to individual needs and preferences.
A major focus of the book is the ethical framework for polyamory. Veaux and Rickert emphasize the importance of personal responsibility, transparency, and respecting the autonomy of each partner. The authors caution against common pitfalls, such as treating polyamory as a solution to a struggling monogamous relationship or using it as an excuse to avoid commitment. Instead, they encourage readers to cultivate a deep sense of personal integrity and emotional maturity in their relationships.
One of the book's key strengths is its discussion on emotional challenges in polyamory. Veaux and Rickert address difficult emotions like jealousy, insecurity, and fear, offering practical strategies for managing these feelings in healthy ways. They also advocate for the idea that jealousy is not inherently bad but can serve as an opportunity for self-awareness and personal growth.
The book also discusses how to approach practical concerns, such as scheduling, managing time between multiple partners, and dealing with societal judgment. Veaux and Rickert offer real-life examples and anecdotes from their own experiences in polyamorous relationships, adding a personal touch to the advice they provide.
Themes:
Ethical Nonmonogamy: The central theme of More Than Two is the idea of practicing polyamory ethically. The authors emphasize honesty, consent, and mutual respect as the cornerstones of any successful polyamorous relationship. They challenge readers to think critically about their actions, ensuring that all partners feel valued and respected.
Emotional Growth: A recurring theme in the book is the idea that polyamory offers unique opportunities for emotional growth. By facing difficult emotions like jealousy and insecurity head-on, individuals can become more self-aware and develop deeper emotional resilience.
Autonomy and Consent: The authors stress that all individuals in a polyamorous relationship should have full agency over their choices. Consent must be ongoing and informed, with all partners having the freedom to set boundaries and make decisions that work best for them.
Communication: Open, honest communication is key to managing the complexity of polyamorous relationships. The book provides practical advice for effective communication, emphasizing the need to be direct and clear with all partners about feelings, expectations, and boundaries.
Analysis: More Than Two stands out as one of the most thorough and thoughtful guides to polyamory. Veaux and Rickert's approach to polyamory is both practical and deeply ethical, making the book valuable for individuals who are new to the concept as well as those with more experience. Their focus on the importance of personal responsibility and mutual respect sets the book apart from other resources on nonmonogamy, as it encourages readers to take an active role in their emotional well-being and the well-being of their partners.
The book’s strength lies in its balance between theory and practice. It doesn’t just focus on the philosophical aspects of polyamory but also delves into the real-world challenges of maintaining multiple relationships. For instance, the authors explore common issues like "poly-saturation," where one might become overwhelmed by the demands of multiple relationships, and they provide practical strategies for managing time, emotions, and conflicts.
The authors also take a strong stance against hierarchical polyamory—relationships where one partner is considered “primary” while others are secondary. Veaux and Rickert argue that while some hierarchies may naturally exist, it is important not to devalue the feelings or importance of any partner. They encourage readers to treat all relationships with equal respect and care, regardless of their labels.
However, some readers may find the book's extensive focus on emotional introspection and self-awareness a bit overwhelming, particularly if they are seeking more immediate practical advice. Nonetheless, the depth of exploration into personal accountability and emotional honesty is ultimately what makes More Than Two such a valuable resource.
Conclusion: More Than Two is a highly insightful, practical, and ethically grounded guide to polyamory. Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert provide a comprehensive framework for navigating the challenges of consensual nonmonogamy, emphasizing personal growth, honest communication, and mutual respect. For individuals new to polyamory or those seeking to improve their existing relationships, More Than Two offers both practical tools and philosophical insights to help create healthy, fulfilling, and ethical connections with multiple partners. Its focus on ethical integrity and emotional awareness makes it a must-read for anyone interested in exploring polyamory.
I’m a Sex Counselor and Yoga Teacher. I work with individuals, couples, non-monogamous relationships, and groups in topics related to sexuality, emotional regulation, communication dynamics, and changing behaviors.
