Discover the captivating world of sexual fantasies as we delve into the fascinating findings of Dr. Justin Lehmiller's comprehensive survey. With over 4,175 participants, this groundbreaking study offers unprecedented insights into the desires, motivations, and boundaries of individuals across America.

1. Multi-partner Sex: Threesomes, Orgies, and Gangbangs

   Even if this wasn’t their favorite fantasy, most participants responded they have at least fantasized about it once; only 5% of men and 13% of women had never had such fantasy.

2. Power, Control, and Rough Sex

   Most people had fantasized about BDSM, only 4% of women and 7% of men reported never having fantasized about a BDSM act before.

3. Novelty, Adventure, and Variety: The Thrill of New Experiences

   Although many, if not all, fantasies, may involve a novelty, adventurous, or varied aspect (which can have different definitions for different people), the desires that were classified under other categories had different psychological origins and motives that go beyond the novelty aspect, points the author. Fantasies in these categories were varied in settings, locations, and other types of experimentations (such as tools, foods, etcetera).

4. Taboo and Forbidden Sex: Intriguing Aspects of Hidden Desires

   Dr. Miller distinguishes taboo fantasies from those associated with novelty because they have 3 aspects that may be involved: they are likely to be considered disgusting when not aroused, some involve activities that may be illegal if acting upon (such as voyeurism and exhibitionism), and almost all have been formally classified as paraphilias by the mental health community. The most common taboo Americans fantasized about, according to the survey’s results, is voyeurism. Other desires included here are body parts that aren’t typically a focus of sexual desire, the most common are feet.

5. Swinging, Partner Sharing, and Polyamory:

   The difference between this category and multi-partner sex is that these nonmonogamy fantasies do not typically involve group sex, rather, partners agree to have sexual activity outside of their relationship. Most people fantasized about being in an open relationship, the second most fantasized form of consensual nonmonogamy was polyamory (where partners have multiple sexual and/or romantic relationships simultaneously, maintaining intimate, committed relationships). Swingers typically agree to have sex with other people as long as they can watch it, or at least hear about it.

6. Intimacy, Romance, and Passion

   Besides the sexual desires we want to be fulfilled in our fantasies, -most- humans have a fundamental yearning for social connection. Under this category, fantasies varied from those that were looking for an intense sexual connection (passion, desire, lust) to those that were looking for an intimate emotional connection (feeling loved, desired, and reassured).

7. Homoeroticism and Gender-Bending

   Lastly, the theme of desiring flexibility with respect to one’s gender or sexuality are fantasies in which individuals reject the binary notions of male/female or rigid notions about sexual orientation. There are two broad categories under this one: gender-bending fantasies (cross-dressing, changing genders, having sex with a cross-dressing or transgender partner) and sexual flexibility (desires seemingly inconsistent with one’s sexual orientation, such as a gay man wanting to have sex with a partner with a vulva or a heterosexual woman wanting to be with another woman).

   What do you fantasize about? Remember that fantasies, while providing moments of excitement and exploration, may not necessarily translate into real-world actions. Celebrate the richness and diversity of desires within us, while fostering open and honest communication with partners to deepen intimacy and satisfaction in relationships.

   Practicing sexual communication skills with your partner(s) can help you share your fantasies, and maybe explore which- if any- you do want to make true (or trueish). If you’re strugguling with shame regarding your fantasies, this article on tackling same may be helpful.

   
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