Sex is a vital part of any healthy relationship. It can bring couples closer together, strengthen intimacy, and boost overall satisfaction. However, when sex is not working well, it can have a negative impact on the relationship.

There are many ways that sex can affect relationships. For example, couples who have a healthy sex life are more likely to be happy and satisfied with their relationship overall. They are also less likely to experience problems such as infidelity, conflict, and divorce.

Sex can also help to improve communication and intimacy in a relationship. When couples are able to communicate openly and honestly about their sexual needs and desires, it can lead to a deeper understanding and connection. This can make the relationship more fulfilling and satisfying for both partners.

Of course, not all relationships are perfect. There will be times when couples experience problems with their sex life. This can happen for a variety of reasons, such as stress, medical conditions, or simply a lack of communication.

Dr. Barry McCarthy, a prominent figure in the field of sex therapy, says that sexuality adds 15-20% to marital vitality and satisfaction. Paradoxically, a non-sexual marriage is a powerful drain, playing a 50-75% role. As a Clinical Sexologist, I help individuals and couples who are experiencing problems with their sex life approach their differences and struggles in healthier ways. I am trained to provide guidance and education on a variety of sexual topics, including sexual dysfunction, sexual pleasure, and sexual communication.

If you are concerned about your sex life, there are a few things you can do. First, try to talk to your partner about your concerns. It is important to be open and honest about what you are feeling. If you’re considering seeking professional help, these are some of the ways I have helped others improve their sex life and strengthen their relationships:

• I help individuals and couples explore, acknowledge, and communicate their sexual needs and desires.

• Identify what gets in their way when and create opportunities to spend time together without distractions (and without going through their to-do list!).

• By talking openly about sexual experiences, clients access their permission and confidence in experiment with different sexual activities, techniques, toys, or resources.

• Strengthen mind-brain-body connections through breathing, body scans, and other mindfulness-based practices to help them be more connected to their sessions (thus, increasing the chances of feeling, desire, aroused, and create more pleasurable experiences).

• Learn how to navigate differences in sexual needs or desires that are not compatible with their partner’s.

The "Good Enough Sex" model is a concept developed by Dr. Barry McCarthy and Dr. Emily McCarthy, who are both renowned psychologists and sex therapists. The model is designed to help couples navigate and improve their sexual relationship, particularly when they are facing challenges or difficulties in their sexual connection. The central idea is that couples don't need to strive for perfect or idealized sexual experiences. Instead, they can find satisfaction and fulfillment by focusing on creating a mutually satisfying and emotionally intimate sexual connection. Here are its key principles:

1. Realistic Expectations: The model encourages couples to set realistic expectations about their sexual relationship. It acknowledges that sexual desire and performance may fluctuate over time and that it's normal to have ups and downs in a long-term relationship.

2. Emotional Intimacy: The emphasis is on building emotional intimacy and trust between partners, as this can enhance the overall sexual experience. Emotional closeness and vulnerability can lead to more satisfying sexual interactions.

3. Communication: Open and honest communication about sexual needs, desires, and boundaries is vital. Couples are encouraged to discuss their feelings and preferences, which can lead to greater understanding and better sexual experiences.

4. Exploration and Variety: The model encourages couples to explore and experiment with different sexual activities, techniques, and fantasies that both partners find pleasurable and enjoyable.

5. Pleasure Focus: Instead of solely focusing on performance or achieving specific goals, the "Good Enough Sex" model emphasizes pleasure as a primary goal during sexual encounters.

6. Flexibility and Adaptability: The model recognizes that sexual desires and needs may change over time. Couples are encouraged to adapt to these changes and be flexible in accommodating each other's needs and desires.

7. Stress Reduction: The model addresses the impact of stress and other life factors on sexual desire and functioning. Finding ways to reduce stress and create opportunities for relaxation can improve the sexual experience.

Overall, the "Good Enough Sex" model aims to reduce performance anxiety and unrealistic expectations that may put unnecessary pressure on couples. By focusing on emotional intimacy, open communication, and mutual pleasure, couples can cultivate a satisfying and fulfilling sexual relationship that evolves and grows with them over time. Sexuality is an important aspect of well-being. Here is an additional resource you may find helpful:

• The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists: https://www.aasect.org/referral-directory

If you’d like to request an individual or couple’s session, click here.